Oh how life has changed!!

So many years have gone by. Im a happy single mother of 4. 2 boys and 2 girls. Same man. My 4 beautiful babies are the only good thing i got out of that relationship. Everything else is a lesson learned. Hes not really in the picture. Long story short, he was involved with his half sister behind my back. I decided to leave him when i was 5 months pregnant with our 4th. He is 2 and a half now. Carly is 6 and in first grade. Hailey is almost 5 and in transitional kinder. And my oldest is 9 and in 4th grade. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia at 24. Im 29 now. I have a great job working days. I was working graveyard for 8 months and i had soo many setbacks. Dealing with my illness and depression. I moved back with my dad after i left my ex. Been here 3yrs now. Im waiting to be approved for an apartment. I hope everything works out. Lords knows how bad i want this. My life isnt easy but its worth it.

Carly Marie

7lbs 4.5oz 19in
Tuesday, July.13.10 @10:36am
Everything went just the way i wanted it. I didnt need to be induced and i didnt have a c-section. THANK GOD!! I did get the epidural though. but i had it stopped about 2 hours before giving birth. I took the risk =)
She is now 4.5 months. And is a very happy baby girl. She is such a blessing. I couldnt imagine not having a baby. She makes me sooo happy. Words cant explain how grateful we are to have her in our lives. Her and Joseph are the best little things that could ever happen to us.
Everything is going great. We've been at the house for about 5 months now. Its still not quite finished, but its our home. We need some rugs throughout the house because having tile makes the house much colder. Gotta finish up with decorating the living room. We've been lagging it a bit.
I am currently staying at home taking care of the kids. Joe got a job, so its not a necessity for me to work. But i will be looking for a job sometime in the next 3 months. I just cant leave my baby yet. Its difficult for me. Which is why i will look for a part time.
Anyway. I still feel the same. But i think it has gotten worse. My back is horrible! I feel like an old lady not being able to pick things up off the ground. And im soo tired and i have insomnia. I wont go to bed till about 3 or 4. Just to get up at 10 or so. its annoying. Im going to set up an appt soon because i am tired of feeling like this.

39 WEEkS..2 DAyS..

WE FiNALLy MOVED iN =)) THE HOUSE iS PRETTy MUCH DONE..
JUST GOTTA GET THE BASEBOARDS iN..i STiLL NEED TO GET USED TO iT..iTS HUGE COMPARED TO THE APARTMENT..iM OVER iT LOL. i MEAN HOW CAN yOU COMPARE A 1 BDRM TO A 6 BDRM??
yOU jUST CANT!!

iM ON My LAST WEEk AND My MAMAS iS LAGGiNG iT. iVE BEEN GETTiNG PAiNS FOR MOST OF THiS PAST MONTH..
HER ROOM iS READy BUT SHE WONT BE iN THERE FOR AT LEAST A FEW MONTHS..
iM ANXiOUS TO MEET HER. BUT i DONT WANT TO BE iNDUCED..OR HAVE A C-SECTiON..i HAVE UNTiL THE 16th..EVENTHOUGH iM DUE THE 12th..TO HAVE HER. iF NOT, THEN iM GETTiNG iNDUCED..

LETS SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

34 WEEkS..

iTS BEEN A WHiLE SiNCE iVE BEEN ON HERE..
iM 34 WEEkS NOW..
i CANT WAiT TO MEET My LiL GiRL!! iLL BE SEEiNG HER SOMETiME WiTHiN THESE NEXT 6 WEEkS.

GOOD NEWS, WE GOT A 6 BDRM, 3 1/2 BATH, 2 SMALL LiViNG ROOMS, 1 LG LiViNG ROOM, 3 kiTCHEN HOUSE!! AHH..iTS ALL SEPARATED. UP STAiRS iS THE OTHER BEDROOM, LiViNG ROOM, kiTCHEN N BATHROOM..THE kiDS WiLL HAVE THEiR OWN ROOMS..N THE REST iS SEPARATE FROM THE HOUSE. BUT ALL WE WOULD HAVE TO DO iS kNOCk A WALL DOWN.
iTS BEEN UNDER CONSTRUCTiON FOR A FEW WEEkS NOW. iTS PRETTy BiG. i CANT WAiT TO MOVE iN!! WHiCH WiLL BE THiS MONTH..jUST WAiTiNG FOR THE kiTCHEN N BATHROOM TO BE DONE & THE FLOORS TO BE PUT iN.. iM GONNA MiSS THiS TiNy APARTMENT....NOT!

ANyWAy, i HAVE A VERy BUSy MONTH. iM EXCiTED!! i HAVE My 2 BABySHOWERS. GRAD DAy iS jUNE.24.10. N MOVE DAy && FiNALLy TO MAkE EVERyTHiNG COMPLETE, My LiL GiRL WiLL BE HERE jUST A FEW WEEkS AFTER THAT.

jUST HOPiNG FOR THE BEST. jULy SHOULD BE My RELAX MONTH..WE*LL SEE ABOUT THAT ONE LOL//

WEEk 28..DAy 1

BLAH..iM 7 MONTHS!!
i LOVE SiTTiNG DOWN AND jUST FEELiNG AND WATCHiNG THE BABy MOVE.
iM ANXiOUS TO MEET HER. CARLy MARiE..iTS STiLL iN THE AiR..BUT iT MiGHT STiCK. =)
jUST A FEW WEEkS LEFT!! iM NERVOUS. i REALLy DONT WANT A CESAREAN..yUCkk..ALMOST EVERyONE i kNOW HAS HAD ONE. My MOM, A FEW OF My FRiENDS, SOME FAM...UGH..i ALMOST GOT ONE THE FiRST TiME. HOPEFULy EVERyTHiNG GOES WELL. i REALLy DONT WANT TO BE SLiCED OPEN LOL..

THE LAST FEW WEEkS HAVENT BEEN ALL THAT GREAT. WE*RE STiLL TRyiNG. iT SUCkS. i kNOW THiNGS WiLL GET BETTER. THEy ALWAyS DO. WHO ELSE WOULD GO THRUOUGH THiS WiTH HiM. i CONSiDER MySELF STRONGER THAN MOST GiRLS. i DONT THiNk THEy COULD PUT UP WiTH AS MUCH AS i HAVE THESE PAST 6 yEARS.

WEEk 26...DAy 3

WELL i ENDED UP TAkiNG 2 WEEkS OFF WORk...NOT WHAT i HAD iN MiND..BUT i CALLED AND i CAN GO BACk TOMORROW...
EVERyTHiNG SEEMS TO BE GETTiNG A LiTTLE BETTER By THE DAy. iM GLAD i HAVE My BOO's SUPPORT. ALTHOUGH HE STiLL GiVES ME A HARD TiME SOMETiMES LOL..
i WOULDNT HAVE iT ANy OTHER WAy. i COULDNT ASk FOR A BETTER BF, BAByS DAD, OR FRiEND.
WE kNOW EACHOTHER SO WELL, iTS kiND OF FUNNy..iLL kNOW WHAT HE WiLL SAy iF i ASk HiM SOMETHiNG, BUT i ASk ANyWAy AND iLL SAy iT AS HE SAyS iT AND iM ALWAyS RiGHT. HE DOES SO MUCH FOR US. AND iM THANkFUL FOR THAT. i WOULDNT kNOW WHAT WE WOULD DO WiTHOUT HiM.
HE kNOWS WHAT i GO THROUGH. NOBODy ELSE DOES. WELL ONLy THE PEOPLE THAT kNOW ME WELL.
ANyWAy HE SEEMS TO BE GETTiNG MORE AND MORE EXCiTED ABOUT THE BAByS ARRiVAL EVERyDAy. WE CANT WAiT. WE HAVE 14 WEEkS LEFT, AND iTS GONNA BE A LOOOONG 14 WEEkS.
HE iS STARTiNG SCHOOL MONDAy. SO THAT MEANS jUNiOR WiLL BE GOiNG TO DAyCARE OR AS HE CALLS iT, SCHOOL. =) iTS A REALLy NiCE PLACE. iT HAS SURVEiLANCE CAMS EVERyWHERE. i LOVE iT.
iVE BEEN VERy TiRED LATELy. i GUESS THE PREGNANCy iS FiNALLy TAkiNG iTS TOLL ON ME LOL. i FEEL MORE AND MORE PREGNANT EVERyDAy. FROM GETTiNG UP FROM BED TO jUST WALkiNG AROUND, i FEEL iT. BUT i LOVE EVERy MiNUTE OF iT. i LOVE BEiNG A MOM. iDk HOW SOME WOMEN DONT. WELL iT SEEMS LikE THEy DONT. i WiLL DO ANyTHiNG FOR My SON. HE ALWAyS COMES FiRST iN EVERyTHiNG i DO. i HARDLy DO ANyTHiNG FOR MySLEF ANyMORE. i SHOULD START THOUGH. i NEED TO RELAX A BiT MORE. BUT My STUBBORN SELF NEEDS THiNGS DONE A CERTAiN WAy, SO i ALWAyS FiND MySELF DOiNG THiNGS i ASkED jOE TO DO. OH WELL THATS LiFE FOR ME =)

WEEk 25...DAy 2

iVE BEEN FEELiNG A LiTTLE BETTER..NO MORE HEARTBURN!! =) WELL NOT AS FREQUENT..
i STiLL HAVENT GAiNED MUCH...LikE A 2 OR 3 Lbs OR SO..THEN i GO DOWN ABOUT 3..iTS A ROLLERCOASTER WiTH My WEiGHT TOO..i GUESS iTS OkAy..kiND OF WHAT i WANTED.. TO GAiN AS LiTTLE AS POSSiBLE. i ACTUALLy WEiGH ABOUT 8lbs LESS THAN BEFORE i GOT PREGO.

ANyWAy, THiS WEEk HAS BEEN, UH..NOT THE BEST. iVE TAkEN A WEEk OFF OF WORk, ALTHOUGH i REALLy DiDNT WANT TO.
HE iS SUPPOSED TO BE STARTiNG SCHOOL SOON. HE NEEDS TO. i WiSH HE WOULDVE DONE iT SOONER, BUT THEN i GOTTA REALiZE WHAT PEOPLE SAy iNFLUENCE HiS DECiSiONS..
iTS ANNOyiNG..iN THE END, iM ALWAyS RiGHT..
WHy DiD i HAVE TO BE THE ONE THAT MAkES GOOD DECiSiONS? THE ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS *COMMON SENSE*? UGH..i HATE BEiNG RiGHT...
BTW!! i REGiSTERED My CAR, AND DiDNT HAVE TO PAy ANyTHiNG =)
WELL i jUST PAiD FOR THE SMOG..BUT THATS iT =)

WEEk 24

UGH...THiNGS HAVENT BEEN SO GREAT LATELy..

i THiNk iM GOiNG TO HAVE TO MESS UP My EXTERN...
iTS NOT LikE i FEEL COMFORTABLE AT My SiTE ANyMORE.. i FEEL iGNORED..iDk..
iM NOT GONNA SUCk UP TO ANyONE..
iM jUST GOiNG TO LET THiNGS HAPPEN FOR NOW...

i NEED TO GO REGiSTER 2 CARS iN My NAME..AROUND $450 TOTAL WiTH TiTLE TRANSFERS, SMOG, iNSURANCE AND SOME CiTATiON FEES..iTS NOT TOO BAD i GUESS...
THEN i GOTTA GO GET THE CAR FROM THE iMPOUND LOT =/ BLAH...

ANyWAy iM 6 MONTHS!! WE*RE ALMOST THERE!! iM SO EXCiTED...i FEEL My BABy MOVE ALOOOT MORE EACH WEEk THAT GOES By..NO NAMES yET =/ iTS SO HARD!!
WE*RE HOPiNG TO MOVE OUT SOON...A BiGGER PLACE..NOT SURE WHERE jUST yET...
BLAH PUT ME OUT OF My MiSERy...

WEEk 23

WORk iS GOiNG GOOD. iM A BiT HESiSTANT TO jUMP iN, BUT iM GETTiNG THERE..=)
iVE BEEN HAViNG HEADACHES && BEEN GETTiNG DiZZy. THE DR PRESCRiBED ME SOMETHiNG FOR THAT. WE'LL SEE iF iT WORkS. NOTHiNG SEEMS TO WORk FOR ME.
i STRONGLy BELiEVE i HAVE iT. yOU kNOW WHAT iM TALkiNG ABOUT. iT HASNT BEEN OFFiCiALLy DiAGNOSED, BUT WHAT ELSE COULD iT BE??
i HAVE ALL THE SyMPTOMS. LikE EVERy SiNGLE ONE. THE ONE i HATE THE MOST iS THE CONSTANT FATiGUE. i CANT DO ANyTHiNG. ONE SyMPTOM BRiNGS ON ANOTHER. SO iTS NEVER ENDiNG. EVERyDAy iS PAiNFUL. i CANT REMEMBER WHAT iTS LikE TO BE NORMAL ANyMORE.
i FEEL DEPRESSED && THEN i FEEL OkAy. iDk iT jUST COMES AND GOES...iTS PRETTy ANNOyiNG..
ANyWAy, My APPOiNTMENT WENT WELL. jUST GOT SOME MEDS FOR My NAUSEA && A NOTE TO GET FREQUENT BREAkS AT WORk. iVE BEEN GETTiNG REALLy DiZZy LATELy.
iM GONNA GET SOME TESTS DONE..HOPEFULLy iTS jUST My SyMPTOMS ACTiNG UP..WE'LL SEE.

22 WEEkS...DAy 5

SO My FiRST DAy WAS PRETTy GOOD. i WAS A BiT OUT OF iT. i FELT LOST =/
i HAVE TO STUDy THiS WEEkEND TO REFRESH. 2 MONTHS SEEMS LikE A LONG TiME BUT i HOPE iT FLiES By.
i GOT A LiTTLE WORRiED By THOSE LOOkS BUT iM SURE HE*S jUST GETTiNG USED TO ME...i HOPE =/
iVE BEEN STRESSED OUT TO THE MAX..i HAVENT GOTTEN MUCH SLEEP LATELy AND iTS CATCHiNG UP TO ME. i HATE iT CUZ iT MAkES ME ALL BiTCHy AND i DONT LikE BEiNG LikE THAT. BUT iTS HARD..i HAVE SO MUCH TO DO AND iT SUCkS THAT i HAVE TO DO iT. UGH..WHATEVER. THiNGS WiLL FALL iNTO PLACE iN TiME. iVE MADE iT THiS FAR, iM SURE i CAN GO A BiT LONGER =)
k BACk TO THE BABy =) SHE iS DOiNG FiNE. kiCkiNG ALOT AS USUAL. LOL AS FOR ME, UGH NAUSEA, HEARTBURN, yEAH..SUCkS BUT WHATEVER. i jUST CANT WAiT TiLL My LiTTLE GiRL iS HERE..=)

WEEk 22...DAy 3

DARN iT. i HAD AN APPOiNTMENT ON MONDAy. HOW THE HECk DiD i FORGET? UGH. NOW i HAVE TO WAiT TiLL MONDAy LOL.
i WENT TO SCHOOL TODAy TO SiGN SOME PAPERS. i START My EXTERN ON FRiDAy!! iM SO NERVOUS!! i MEAN HOW iS THE STAFF? ARE THEy NiCE? BUTTS? AH. iDk WHy iM STRESSiNG.
ANyWAy. iM GETTiNG CLOSER & CLOSER TO THE BiG DAy!! i CANT WAiT!!
TiME FLiES By WHEN UR NOT PAyiNG ATTENTiON..iTS ALREADy WEDNESDAy. GEEZ.
ON MONDAy i THOUGHT iT WAS SUNDAy FOR SOME REASON.
i HAVENT REALLy HAD ANyTHiNG TO DO THE LAST FEW WEEkS, SO i DONT PAy ATTENTiON TO THE DAyS. & i HAVENT HAD My PHONE ON, THATS ANOTHER REASON WHy i GET BEHiND. HOPEFULLy ONCE i START WORk, iLL BE BACk TO NORMAL =)

WEEk 22..DAy 1=)

UGH...iVE HAD A BAD DAy.. MiGRAiNES SUCk ASS..
iM SO TiRED...BLAH

WEEk 21..1 ONE DAy LEFT

yESTERDAy WAS PRETTy NiCE. WE GOT TO RELAX. BABy WAS AT HiS *MANCAs*. WE DECiDED TO GO TO My GRANDMAS BECAUSE i HEARD My COUSiN CHELy WAS GOiNG TO BE THERE.

My DAD FORGOT HiS PHONE, SO WE TOOk iT WiTH US. WHiCH WAS GOOD, BECAUSE My BROTHER CALLED SAyiNG My GRANDMA WAS REALLy SiCk. =/ i HAD jUST TALkED TO My DAD ON HiS WORk PHONE, SO CALLED HiM BACk TO TELL HiM. WHEN i DiD, i REALiZED HE HAD TURNED iT OFF!!! i WAS REALLy UPSET. LikE WHy WOULD HE DO THAT?? SO i CALLED HiS G/Fs PHONE, OFF. CALLED HER DAUGHTER, NO ANSWER.. WTF!! SO iM PiSSED. WE*RE GETTiNG OFF THE FWy AND CESys DAUGHTER FiNALLy ANSWERS. SHE GETS My DAD AND i GO OFF ON HiM. HE SAiD HE TURNED iT OFF CUZ HE GETS 10,000 CALLS A MiNUTE. SO? iT MiGHT BE iMPORTANT ONE DAy && THEN WHAT? ALL BECAUSE HEs WiTH HER. UGH. i REALLy WOULDNT HAVE A PROBLEM WiTH HER iF SHE WASNT THE WAy SHE WAS WiTH HiM. SHEs ACTUALLy THE FiRST G/F THAT HEs HAD THAT iVE STARTED TO HATE. ANyWAy, SO THEyRE NOT MARRiED NOR DO THEy LiVE TOGETHER. i jUST DONT LikE HER COMPLAiNiNG. SORRy, BUT iTS TRUE. iVE TRiED TO DEAL WiTH iT, BUT iTS RiDiCULOUS. i HAD GOTTEN iN A FiGHT WiTH HiS BBy MAMA yEARS BACk. i jUST GOT SiCk OF THE WAy SHE WAS WiTH HiM. BUT i DONT HATE HER. AND THiS iS EVOLViNG iNTO HATE. && i HATE FEELiNG LikE THAT TOWARDS HER. SHE CANT kEEP TRyiNG FORCE THE RELATiONSHiP TO WORk, SHEs jUST GOiNG TO END UP PUSHiNG HiM AWAy. HMM...iTS FUNNy HOW My DAD USED TO TALk ABOUT MARRyiNG HER. NOW iTS LikE *EH, i DONT kNOW.* ...GOOD...

ANyWAy. My COUSiNS BABy iS SOOOO CUTE!! i jUST LOVED HER CHUBBy LiL CHEEkS =)
i HADNT SEEN My COUSiN iN A WHiLE. ACTUALLy, i REALLy CANT REMEMBER THE LAST TiME i SAW HER. NiCE. =/

WELL iM DONE FOR NOW =)

21 WEEkS....2DAyS =)

jUST ANOTHER BORiNG SATURDAy....
WONDERiNG WHAT iM GOiNG TO DO TODAy.. MAyBE TAkE MONkEy TO THE PARk???
i DONT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT WE DiD LAST SATURDAy.. DAMN MEMORy.

My BABy iS MOViNG =) iM SUUUPER EXCiTED!! jUST THiNkiNG ABOUT TAkiNG HER HOME.
i CANT WAiT TiLL WE SEE HER LiTTLE FACE =)
UGH iM STiLL SAD ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED. WONDERiNG HOW THiNGS WOULDVE BEEN. BUT i BELiEVE THAT THiNGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON..i MEAN i WOULDNT HAVE GONE TO SCHOOL...REALLy. i WASNT PLANNiNG ON GOiNG TO SCHOOL. i DiDNT HAVE THE ENERGy FOR iT. i DiDNT THiNk i COULD DO iT.
BUT AFTER THAT, i DECiDED, WHy NOT?? i MEAN WHAT AM i GONNA DO FOR THE NEXT yEAR? jUST BE A STAy AT HOME MOM?? NO. i DiDNT WANT TO LET THAT HAPPEN. i MEAN, SURE i LOVE BEiNG A MOM, BUT i ALSO WANTED TO HAVE A CAREER. BE ABLE TO PROVIDE FOR My SON iF ANyTHiNG EVER HAPPENS BETWEEN US.. ANyWAy LOOk AT ME NOW =) 9 MONTHS FLEW By SO QUiCk. && NOW iM jUST WAiTiNG TO START My EXTERNSHiP && THEN iTS GRADUATiON DAy. ALTHOUGH i WiLL BE FULL BLOWN PREGNANT By THEN!! BUT AS LONG AS i MADE iT =)

WEEk 21..3DAyS LEFT =)

AHH...SUCH A GOOD DAy TODAy.
iM FEELiNG MUCH BETTER THAN yESTERDAy. ALTHOUGH THAT DAMN LEG PAiN iS STiLL THERE.
BUT iT WONT GET ME DOWN TODAy.

iM GOiNG TO Sky COUNTRy ELEMENTARy TODAy...
i HAVENT GONE iN A FEW WEEkS AND i MiSS THOSE kiDS. && iM PRETTy SURE THEy MiSS ME TOO.
i LikE VOLUNTEERiNG. iDk WHy.
OMG BEFORE i FORGET, i START My EXTERN NEXT WEEk!!!
iM SO EXCiTED =)
ACTUALLy iM kiND OF NERVOUS REALLy. iM SURE iTS GOiNG TO BE A GOOD EXPERiENCE THOUGH.
i HAVENT WORkED iN ABOUT 2 yEARS, SO iTS LikE STARiNG OVER.
AND i HATE STARTiNG OVER. iLL BE WAkiNG UP EARLy && WiLL HAVE TO BE iN THAT RESPONSiBLE MODE ONCE AGAiN..